I feel like the end of the semester really crept up on me without any preparation. Here at Georgetown we only have two more days of classes before we head into study days and final exams and then we’re done for the year which doesn’t seem real. I’m not sure what it is, but this time this year feels so different to this time last year. Maybe it’s because I’m a worn out junior and not a sophomore full of anxious energy, but the end of this school year feels a lot more slow and laid back. Maybe it’s also the gloomy weather that we’ve been having here in DC, but the end to the year feels more anti-climatic – in a good way.
I feel as though a lot has changed between last year and this year, and honestly a lot has changed even in the past few months. I often reflect on that in blog posts, and I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I’ll just briefly explain what I mean. Last year I feel as though I was living and breathing “college”; the end of the year was filled with anxiety about finals, lots typical “college” social plans I wanted to fit in, and different study sessions. This year, I feel like I’m living and breathing my life a little more; I still get stressed, but I feel like I have more control over my life, I go out when I want to but I also stay in when I want to, and just do things like cooking, going for a long walk with friends, and staying in and reading a book that I would do when I’m not at college too. Maybe it’s because I’m a junior and I’m taking more interesting classes that are less pressure on me, or because I’m not worried about pre-professional recruiting on top of everything else, or even just because I’m living in an apartment and have a more tucked away safe space but this year had a different ring to it.
It’s also just very weird to think about the fact that in 2 weeks the semester will be over, everyone will be at home, and everything will be different for three months before the fall semester starts. Don’t get me wrong, I am SO excited for summer and definitely need a break, but I feel like in this past year I’ve fallen in love with Georgetown. Last year, because I was only living and breathing college when I was here, I think I felt like I needed to escape from here at the end of the semester and each day of finals was like a countdown to get away. This year, because I feel like I “live” my life more out here and it doesn’t feel like I’m only living a college life, it makes me a little sad to leave. I love being in the Georgetown neighbourhood, walking around campus and always bumping into someone I know, and living a few doors down from my friends. Even though I have lots of exciting plans for the summer, I’m already feeling nostalgic for it all.
I also can’t help but think about the fact that when I get back here in the fall I will be a senior?! Like… where did the time go. It’s weird because I’m so excited to graduate and go out into adult life, but I also feel like my time at Georgetown has gone so quickly and these are experiences I’ll never get back – it’s already feeling bittersweet, especially as I say goodbye to a lot of senior friends who are graduating next month. I’m already feeling nostalgic thinking of the first time I came to campus and how I felt as a little freshmen compared to now (and you already know that I’ll be writing a ton of blog posts about that next year).
Going into the final weeks of the semester and reflecting on the many finals weeks I’ve had in the past that have driven me to very anxious and nervous places, I also feel slightly proud of how I’ve progressed with these feelings over the year. I’ve always been super type a, but in the past few years test taking has been something that has given me a lot of anxiety and that I really have to mentally prepare for. I can write 20 page paper, do a take home exam, and present a project in front of the class no sweat, but taking a test in class? That stresses me out. Just comparing this year to last year makes me feel proud about how I’ve worked on these feelings and taken note of the things I need to do to feel less stressed out about those situations and how I can prepare myself for them. It goes along with my whole theme of feeling like I’m really “living” at college and taking care of my whole self.
Georgetown is a Jesuit institution, and so a lot of our school values and catchphrases are based on those ideals. One of the things that we always hear about at Georgetown is this idea of “cura personalis” which means “care of the whole person.” Comparing this time last year to this year, I feel as though all the places I can identify growth in are because I’ve let myself take care of my whole person, instead of just one dimension of myself. It’s a nice little thing I can recognize and be proud of.
As the semester draws to and end and my junior year comes to a close, I’m feeling ready for a break but it also feels like I’m leaving home and gearing up for a bittersweet year of last firsts and special traditions. It feels as though the time has just slipped away this year and honestly for the past few years. It feels as though in some moments I feel like I’m the same person I was four years ago, but in other moments I feel like such a different person who can take on so much more.
As always, I hope you enjoyed hearing what’s going on in my head at the moment and it wasn’t too much of a random word dump.
See you next week,